Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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