I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
