you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
