I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize