I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
