Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
