i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
