Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
