By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize