just tell him i said nine months
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize