just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
