i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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