I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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