Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
