I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
