I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Found the puke drawer
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
