Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
