He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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