The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
