youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
