Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
