this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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