my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
