Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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