My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
