before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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