whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
