I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
