its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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