If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
