Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
