meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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