worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
