Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
