question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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