just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
