there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize