I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
