Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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