i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
ttyl tear gas
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
