i don't like sucking hair
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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