I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
