It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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