Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
