Yo dont text me then not text me
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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