It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
