I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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