I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize