i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
