Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize