...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
