hell yes lets make some ravioli
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
