You're completely useless in the revolution.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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