I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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