I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
