so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
