Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
