May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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