I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
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