It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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