shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
