He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Randomize
