Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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