You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
