Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
so much tequila, so little girl.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
